Off Season Rival Joke Thread

Say it all here
Forum rules
NOTICE: Please be sure to check the CFP Message Board Rules and Regulations and the Read Me page before posting.
User avatar
Yeofoot
Head Coach
Head Coach
Posts: 1971
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:57 am
Location: Bentonville, Arkansas
Contact:

Postby Yeofoot » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:37 am

The Texas A&M Aggies are riding their busses to play the longhorns.
When up on a hill Coach Franchione sees a Longhorn player up on top of
a hill making fun of him. Calling his team a bunch of sissies and losers.
The Aggie coach is furious, so he stops the busses.


"Second Team Offense, go get him!!!"

Whoosh, all the 2nd team offense runs over the hill after him.

Minutes go by, and not a sound. The Aggie coach starts to get worried.
But then he sees the same guy on top of that hill laughing at him, calling
his players a bunch of girls. That Aggie coach get's P.O.'d!

"Second Team Defense, go get him!!!" He commands his troops.

Whoosh, all the 2nd team offense runs over the hill after him.

Again, there's silence, and the same heckling longhorn, comes out, just
dyin laughing at the coach. This time, the Aggies don't hold anything back.


"First Team Offense, First Team Defense, GO GET HIM!!!!"

The coach starts pacing as he waits and waits. Minutes tick tick by.

Then he sees coming up over the hill, his biggest baddest player,
crawling, on the ground, beaten to a pulp. He gathers all his strength and
yells out to the coach:

"Coach.........Go Back..........It's a trap.......................

There's TWO of them!!!
Last edited by Yeofoot on Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
bama_girl
Head Coach
Head Coach
Posts: 1133
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: the sticks

Postby bama_girl » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:52 am

ooooooooooooooo k now i get it :wink: that's pretty sneaky of them






i'm tellin on yeofoot for stretchin the page with all the ............... :lol:
The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire. ~Mark Twain

User avatar
Yeofoot
Head Coach
Head Coach
Posts: 1971
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:57 am
Location: Bentonville, Arkansas
Contact:

Aggies

Postby Yeofoot » Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:39 am

Oh man oh man, I got so many Aggie Jokes:

Aggie Kidnapper:

There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some
money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and
told him, "I've kidnapped you."
The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree
next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An
Aggie."
The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to
show it to his parents.
The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and
found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Aggie do
this to another Aggie?" :P :mrgreen:

#2

Did you hear about the aggie that got locked out of his car?
He spent two hours trying to get his wife and kids out!

#3

A Florida State student, a Kansas State student, and an Aggie had all
commited horrendous crimes and were going to be shot. The FSU guy
was brought up and blindfolded. The general shouted, "Ready .......
aim..." and the FSU guy yelled, "Huricane!!," everybody ducked, and he
ran away free.
Dismayed at losing their first prisioner, the guards brought up the KSU
student with renewed vengence. They blindfolded him and the general
commanded, "Ready......aim....." and the KSU guy shouted, "Tornado!!"
and fearing for their lives, everybody ducked, and he ran away free.

Well, the Aggie has been watching all this and starts thinking, "They all
yelled natural disasters and they got away, so I will too." So they brought
him up and blinded folded him, the general shouted, "Ready ......
aim...." and the Aggie screamed, "Fire!!"


#4

Did you hear there aren't any cold drinks at College Station any
more?
They lost their recipe for ice.

#5

Two normal guys and an Aggie decide to go to the desert. They each
bring one thing.
The first guy brings water so they don't dehydrate.
The second guy brings food so they don't starve to death.
The Aggie says, "I brought a car door so if it gets hot, I can just roll
down the window!"

#6

How do you get a Texas A & M graduate off your front porch?
You pay for your pizza!

#7

How do you make a one-armed Aggie fall out of a tree?
Wave

#8

An Aggie went riding, and everything was going fine until the horse
suddenly started bouncing out of control. He tried to hang on, but with a
foot caught in the stirrup, he fell off head-first. With his head bouncing up
and down, the horse didn't even slow down. And just as the Aggie was
giving up hope and losing consciousness, a Kmart employee came out
and unplugged it.

#9

Q: Why does the stadium at College Station have Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during halftime.

#10

Two Aggies were pulling a large deer through the woods. They came
across a longhorn and he said, "Really nice buck you got there, but I
think if you pulled him by his horns it would be a lot better than dragging
him by his hind legs."
The Aggies tried it and after a while one said "This sure is better. It's a
lot smoother over the ground." The other said, "Yeah, but we sure a
getting farther away from the truck."

#11

An Aggie is walking down a creek. While he's looking around he
notices another Aggie walking along the other side of the creek. He yells
to the other Aggie, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"

The other Aggie says, "You are on the other side!"

User avatar
Yeofoot
Head Coach
Head Coach
Posts: 1971
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:57 am
Location: Bentonville, Arkansas
Contact:

Postby Yeofoot » Fri Feb 03, 2006 1:27 pm

Two boys are playing football at a park in Ann Arbor when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.

A sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy, "I'll title it 'Young Wolverine Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".

"But I'm not a Wolverine fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Ann Arbor, I just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Spartan Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"

"I'm not a Spartan fan either," the boy says.

"Oh, I thought everyone in Michigan was either for the Wolverines or the Spartans. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm an Ohio State Buckeyes fan," the boy replies. "They're the best."

The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little (fatherless child) From Ohio Kills Beloved Family Pet."


This Joke can pretty much be used for any school

Q: Why are there 2 teams from Michigan in the Big ten?
A: There was so much crap in Ann Arbor they had to start another pile.

Q: Why do the University of Oklahoma grads hang their diplomas from the rearview mirror?


A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in College Station?
A: It's too hard on the mule.

Q: Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?
A: Bloomington, IN ......He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

Q: What do you call a 200 lb. Sooner cheerleader?
A: Anorexic

Q: What do you call a football player in Oklahoma who has talent?
A: A product of Texas.

Q: What's the difference between a Sooner cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 50 pounds.

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant

Q: What is the difference between Michigan and Rice Crispies?
A: Rice Crispies know what to do in a Bowl.

What is the only sign of intelligent life in College Station?
The highway sign that says "Austin 96 miles"

I could go on and on.

User avatar
Yeofoot
Head Coach
Head Coach
Posts: 1971
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:57 am
Location: Bentonville, Arkansas
Contact:

Postby Yeofoot » Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:52 pm

Yup, I had that all coming to me. I hate to admit it, but the dog joke was really funny.

colorado_loves_football

Postby colorado_loves_football » Fri Feb 03, 2006 5:13 pm

I'm not that good at telling jokes, but some of those listed here are pretty good.
I tried to think of a good light bulb joke, those are usually pretty funny.
Here's one you might enjoy (not related to football, unfortunately).
How many phychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change!

The other one I remember might apply to football.
How many athletes does it take to change a lightbulb?
All onehundred-seventy. One to get the ladder, one to tap the keg, one to hold the lightbulb and 167 to twist the room around.

Someone's got to have some good Longhorn jokes. How many Longhorns does it take to win a BCS game? Just one, apparently, if it's in the Rose Bowl. Again, not my best material.
Last edited by colorado_loves_football on Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:15 pm

Spence you're getting AWFULLY close to making me mad, the school that recruited the transfer was Colorado, and he's Dan Hawkins son, Cody.


Rolltide is right. I put a picture of a smurk throwing a football in the thread and said it was a left handed tranfer to Michigan from Boise St. I wasn't taking a shot at Boise St. I was taking a shot at Michigan. The Smurf reference was, as RT said, a reference to Smurf turf.

It is a joke thread, though, so even if I was taking a shot at Boise St it would have been in fun, lighten up.

You can put any buckeye joke in that you wish, because that is what the thread is about. I won't be offended. This is just having a little fun at your rivals expense. Nothing more.

I will fix the picture back so that you can see what it is all about.
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:28 pm

New Michigan Quarterback

* Smurf throwing a football edited out to respect bandwidth*

Lefthanded transfer out of Boise St.

This is the post I was refering too. It had nothing to do with Boise St., It had everything to do with taking a light shot at Michigan
Last edited by Spence on Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:55 pm

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

What does one idiot say? "Duh"
What do two idiots say? "Duh, Duh"
What do 100,000 idiots say? Duhhh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Duhhh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh ("Hail to the Victors"...without sound)

Q: What does a seven course meal in Ann Arbor consist of?
A: A six pack and a possum!

Q: How did the UM student break his leg at the golf course?
A: He fell off the ball washer.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a UM Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.


Q: Did you hear that The Rolling Stones are playing at Michigan Stadium?
A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.

Q: What is the difference between a cactus and Michigan stadium?
A: A cactus has 100,000 pricks on the outside.
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:59 pm

A former University of Michigan football player was having a hard time graduating from college after his glory years as a star defensive end. After 8 years as an undergrad, the alumni and faculty were becoming embarrased. "How can we get him out of here?", they asked.

Finally, one professor came up with an idea. "Let's put him in front of the student body and let them ask him one question. If he gets it right, we'll give him a diploma."

Everyone agreed, so they put the UM student in front of the entire student body. The student body opted to ask him the question: "What is one plus one?" He received his question and he thought...and thought...and finally, after 10-suspense filled seconds, he shouted "Two!!".

"AWWWWWW", cried the student body. "Give him another chance!"

UM is playing at OSU, and they have a first down with three minutes left in the half. An OSU fan sets off a firecracker, and OSU, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, UM punts.
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

colorado_loves_football

Postby colorado_loves_football » Sat Feb 04, 2006 2:47 pm

I will be interested in seeing how well Dan Hawkins does as CU's coach, but I have a few worries, probably for good reason, too.
Last time Colorado recruited a high-profile coach away from the NFL, it was Chuck Fairbanks, and we all know how that turned out.
CU went from being a perennial contender to a doormat, and in short-order. In fact it took Bill McCartney over ten years to right the ship, but once he did, it held strong, at least until Rick Neuheisel took over, but they finally axed him, too.
Gary Barnett maybe wasn't the guy to take them the distance, but he did fairly well, given his lack of experience. He took Northwestern to the Rose Bowl, in 1996, and gave Colorado a shot at a national title in 2001.
But his not being able to beat Nebraska, consistently cost him his job.
I hope Dan Hawkins does better, but it is still something of a question whether or not he'll be any better than Neuheisel was.
Let's hope he leaves the blue "Smurf Turf" in Boise.
Last edited by colorado_loves_football on Thu Feb 09, 2006 5:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:16 pm

Hmmm, Smurf turf, how is that funny?


Blue Field.....Smurfs are blue......Guess it isn't funny when you have to break it down like this. :roll:
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:30 pm

5 things you'll never hear in Tennessee:

1. Wrasslin' is fake
2. Come to think of it, I'll have a heineken
3. Phil is one slim dude
4. Checkmate!
5. I can't marry you, you're my cousin


Very good. These are my favorites so far. :lol:
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Spence
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 20970
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 11:52 pm
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio (Ohio's First Capital)
Contact:

Postby Spence » Fri Feb 10, 2006 2:48 pm

Q: What do you call two good looking women walking through the U of M Campus?

A: Visitors!
"History doesn't always repeat itself but it often rhymes." - Mark Twain

User avatar
Howdy
Assistant Coach
Assistant Coach
Posts: 411
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2005 10:38 am
Location: Lincoln Nebr.
Contact:

Postby Howdy » Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:11 pm

Spence wrote:Q: What do you call two good looking women walking through the U of M Campus?

A: Visitors!


Shame on you.


Return to “General Discussion”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 62 guests